We are but aged into a trap lacking doors.
The crimson rose fades unnoticeably into a sinking red.
What keeps us going is the unbearable slowness of change, and the foolishness to ignore the inevitable.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Musings on Mirrors
Every single drop of water on the lotus leaf is a beautiful reflection of yourself. However, the size of the droplet determines the curvature of the droplet: the larger droplets have trouble staying spherical. This in turn provides a range of mirrors to view yourself.
You know from a distance that the reflections on the drops hold detail to yourself; yet if you are lazy, these details would elude you.
Every new droplet you encounter is enthralling, if not for the different shape, then for the way it sits differently on the leaf. However, you always still see your own reflection somewhere along the way.
I like to think of the drops of water as friends of various social capacities. The larger ones would be the more generous friends who would show you more of yourself.
I am but a small drop now. The reflections of the rest of the world on me are still too small to be visible. The clear details I add to the collection are but my own: I see myself in others but others can't see themselves in me.
The dent I make on the leaf is fairly small and so I can be anywhere without significantly changing the arrangement of the droplets.
Some droplets live for other droplets. The see merely the other droplets on the leaf but not realize the leaf which supports this social network.
Others try hard to cluster into a larger droplet so that they can commandeer more mass and curve the leaf, thus dictating the movement of neighboring droplets.
I don't collect easily with other groups of droplets. I find it difficult to move around if I did. I would prefer milling about some portion of the leaf appreciating the local intricacies below me. But then again, I lead a "narrow" existence, as many others would educate me.
However, a spattering of droplets on a leaf would yield droplets of all sizes. My tiny size is but a member of the inevitable distribution.
I am not the one to reflect on the outlook and behavior of another droplet. Just like I'm not the one to tell you who you should be and how you should behave. I'm just not aptly shaped for such a task. I'm merely content in discovering my true self.
My small footprint in this leaf also makes it difficult to see myself. This constraint, however, changes my outlook: for I am constantly seeking a suitable droplet to mirror myself.
You know from a distance that the reflections on the drops hold detail to yourself; yet if you are lazy, these details would elude you.
Every new droplet you encounter is enthralling, if not for the different shape, then for the way it sits differently on the leaf. However, you always still see your own reflection somewhere along the way.
I like to think of the drops of water as friends of various social capacities. The larger ones would be the more generous friends who would show you more of yourself.
I am but a small drop now. The reflections of the rest of the world on me are still too small to be visible. The clear details I add to the collection are but my own: I see myself in others but others can't see themselves in me.
The dent I make on the leaf is fairly small and so I can be anywhere without significantly changing the arrangement of the droplets.
Some droplets live for other droplets. The see merely the other droplets on the leaf but not realize the leaf which supports this social network.
Others try hard to cluster into a larger droplet so that they can commandeer more mass and curve the leaf, thus dictating the movement of neighboring droplets.
I don't collect easily with other groups of droplets. I find it difficult to move around if I did. I would prefer milling about some portion of the leaf appreciating the local intricacies below me. But then again, I lead a "narrow" existence, as many others would educate me.
However, a spattering of droplets on a leaf would yield droplets of all sizes. My tiny size is but a member of the inevitable distribution.
I am not the one to reflect on the outlook and behavior of another droplet. Just like I'm not the one to tell you who you should be and how you should behave. I'm just not aptly shaped for such a task. I'm merely content in discovering my true self.
My small footprint in this leaf also makes it difficult to see myself. This constraint, however, changes my outlook: for I am constantly seeking a suitable droplet to mirror myself.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Another day of procrastination
What have I acheived today?
Learnt the nature of my new project.
Got confused about a diffraction experimental setup.
Realized I have forgotten the Weiner-Kinchin Theorem.
Argued wrongfully that fractal dimensions are useless.
Made a fool out of myself for the previous point.
Learnt random trivia about parsimony, lambda calculus, SAIDS, HPVs..etc
In summary, I did nothing at all. Things need to change.
Just like the picture: part of the goal is clear yet obscured by a foliage of procrastination.
Learnt the nature of my new project.
Got confused about a diffraction experimental setup.
Realized I have forgotten the Weiner-Kinchin Theorem.
Argued wrongfully that fractal dimensions are useless.
Made a fool out of myself for the previous point.
Learnt random trivia about parsimony, lambda calculus, SAIDS, HPVs..etc
In summary, I did nothing at all. Things need to change.
Just like the picture: part of the goal is clear yet obscured by a foliage of procrastination.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Settle
Finally acknowledged a reality different from my expectations. Held to a tenuous hope threaded with ignorance and denial. Any unraveling is quickly patched by another insufficiency. Of course, I have to keep this in the abstract: not for fear of revealing a dark secret, but to keep the details from exasperating me.
Certain goals in life can be fulfilled with diligence, wit and luck. Yet there will be intangible luxuries which accepts only luck. No matter how hard you try, your desire will only be frustrated.
I embrace an impractical naviety. However this same foolishness warms the moments before I drift to sleep. I ask of the impossible. What I wish will eventually consume me and destroy the little equanimity I have regained.
The mind admonishes the gullibility which the heart cannot forget.
Perhaps there will be a solution.
Perhaps things will turn out well.
Perhaps matters will take care of themselves.
Perhaps things can only go up for hereon.
Perhaps you will receive more understanding.
Perhaps you will live up to the expectations.
Perhaps none of this will happen.
Perhaps the end of the road will be a closed door.
Perhaps my best friend lives in a pint.
Perhaps I will vanish before the emptiness gets to me.
But for now, the threads of self-deception will be stored for another time; another occassion to live in self-denial.
I have no answers to how my life proposes to proceed. Advice from another person's experiences are reference points to a prototypical life I do not want.
But I might have to give up the fight soon. I'll settle for just another grazing animal in the serengeti of life.
Certain goals in life can be fulfilled with diligence, wit and luck. Yet there will be intangible luxuries which accepts only luck. No matter how hard you try, your desire will only be frustrated.
I embrace an impractical naviety. However this same foolishness warms the moments before I drift to sleep. I ask of the impossible. What I wish will eventually consume me and destroy the little equanimity I have regained.
The mind admonishes the gullibility which the heart cannot forget.
Perhaps there will be a solution.
Perhaps things will turn out well.
Perhaps matters will take care of themselves.
Perhaps things can only go up for hereon.
Perhaps you will receive more understanding.
Perhaps you will live up to the expectations.
Perhaps none of this will happen.
Perhaps the end of the road will be a closed door.
Perhaps my best friend lives in a pint.
Perhaps I will vanish before the emptiness gets to me.
But for now, the threads of self-deception will be stored for another time; another occassion to live in self-denial.
I have no answers to how my life proposes to proceed. Advice from another person's experiences are reference points to a prototypical life I do not want.
But I might have to give up the fight soon. I'll settle for just another grazing animal in the serengeti of life.
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